When your wife needs care, you step up, because that’s what love does. But let’s be honest — becoming a caregiver isn’t something most husbands plan for, or a role that was traditionally associated with men. On top of this, it’s a role that can feel overwhelming, isolating, and life changing.
Why Caregiving Feels Different for Husbands
For many men, caregiving can mean a complete role reversal from traditional marriages. Suddenly, you’re the one cooking, cleaning, and managing appointments. You’re tackling tasks your spouse may have handled before, completely on your own. In the relationship, emotional and physical intimacy change, and the dynamic might feel more like a parent/child relationship than husband and wife. Then, there’s the additional pressure for men to “be strong” and not ask for help.
On top of this, the regular aspects of caregiving can take their toll. Conditions like dementia or cognitive decline can make conversations frustrating, while physical caregiving—helping with bathing, dressing, and medication—can be exhausting and uncomfortable. Over time, stress and burnout creep in, along with guilt and grief for the relationship you once had.
With NSSC, you are not alone. Programs like Memory Café, support groups, and stress-busting classes can help you find balance and connection. But don’t just take it from us—read below to hear a story from a real caregiver who found support with NSSC.
Marv’s Story: Lessons from the Journey
Marv, whose wife suffered a brain injury over a decade ago, took awhile to fully acknolege his new identity and role in his relationship.“For many years I didn’t think of myself as a caregiver. I just saw myself as my wife’s husband, living our vows of ‘for better or worse,’” he said.
He got creative to help her stay independent. “I drew maps for her, taught her Google Maps, and even set up location sharing so I could help if she got lost.”
He explained that the most difficult challenge for him has been physical intimacy. “We share some hugs, but that’s the extent of our physical relationship. It’s an ongoing issue—constantly torn between my needs and fidelity to my wife.”
How NSSC Made a Difference
When Marv felt like he was drowning, he found North Shore Senior Center. Here are the tools and resources he said helped him most:
- Powerful Tools for Caregivers – A six-week educational series designed to provide caregivers the tools they need to take care of themselves while caring for a loved one.
- Caregiver Stress-Busting Program – A multi-component program designed to teach stress management techniques and relaxation strategies to manage the daily pressures of caregiving for someone with dementia or memory loss.
- Family Support Group – Monthly Zoom meetings for sharing resources, emotions, and encouragement.
- Memory Café – A warm, welcoming space for caregivers and spouses to enjoy lunch and activities together while connecting with others.
Marv’s Advice to Other Husbands
“Find support! Don’t isolate yourself. Tap into your empathy, learn new skills (like cooking), and don’t neglect your own well-being. You’re strong, unbelievably strong, but life is a lot easier with support.”
Caregiving is a marathon, not a sprint, and NSSC is here to help you along every step of the way.
Take the first step in finding support by filling our screener for caregivers, or call us at 847.784.6041.
Special thanks to guest author Heather Resnick, NSSC Program Supervisor.
